!ALERT! Message from the Society of Law Students!
Another year, another SLS. What will this group accomplish? How many times will Bassam quote Kanye? Will Shannon fulfill his goal of having every eligible law student play on the rugby team? Will Cassidy be able to handle her lockers responsibility? Will Blair ever speak at an event? Only time will tell. Let’s meet our new(ish) SLS.
President: Bassam Saifeddine
Much to the disappointment of his father – who pulled himself up from abject poverty in Lebanon, studied medicine in Russia, and then emigrated to Canada to seek a better life for himself and his family - Bassam first knew he wanted to go to law school after a failed physics experiment at about age 12. His parents had just bought a treadmill in hopes that their son, who weighed a whopping 170 pounds in his pre-pubescent years, would use it even if only occasionally.
Instead, Bassam chose to use the Costco-brand treadmill as a testing ground for creating perpetual energy. He hypothesized that if he placed the treadmill on full incline and speed, and then placed a ball at the top by rolling it forward, the ball would spin ad-infinitum.
Much like his law school exams later in life, Bassam was totally off the mark. The ball rolled down the treadmill. Not one to quit at the first sight of adverse findings, Bassam attempted to push the ball back up the treadmill. Instead, he got his hand caught underneath.
As his cousins watched in dismay (but yet, did nothing to stop the still-running treadmill), Bassam ingeniously pulled his hand back-and-out from underneath the running-track. Upon seeing what his son had done to himself and learning for what reason he did it, Bassam’s father was deeply disappointed; little did he know he would feel this way every time he laid his tired eyes upon his curly headed progeny. Bassam’s father promptly beat him with a sandal.
This is the man you elected president. Congratulations.
3L Rep: Alex Heine
People often say, Alex Heine, describe yourself. And honestly, I prefer to let my Harry Potter fanfic do the talking for me.
Hermione paced back and forth in the Room of Requirement in Hogwarts castle. The Chamber of Secrets had just been opened and the school was tenser than a Thestral in an Acromantula nest.
At least exams weren’t cancelled, Hermione studied all year for that one day where she could prove muggle-born witches were just as good as the pure bloods. She was aiming for the highest mark on her NEWTs in her year – at the least in the Gryffindor House, but that Ravenclaw bitch Cho Chang really had a knack for Transfiguration so she had been studying harder than ever.
Hermione needed a break, so she tied a note to Crookshanks’ collar and sent him into Hogwarts dungeon to invite her secret love for a stealthy visit. Hermione knew the affair was wrong but how could something be wrong when it feels so right. Still, if Ron found out....
Suddenly there was a noise and the door of the Room of Requirement opened. A tall handsome youth with light blonde hair and black robes entered.
“Oh Draco, I knew you would come,” Hermione gasped, rushing into his arms.
“For you baby, I’d betray the dark lord,” Draco replied, the usual Malfoy grimace softening into a smile. He pulled her close and kissed her more passionately than the Dementors of Azkaban.
It was then Hermione realized they weren’t alone…
To be continued...
VP Academic: Shannon Faleiro
Hi fellow law students! I am your VP Academic for the 2018-2019 school year. For those that don't know me, I was born in India but have lived in Vancouver since the age of 3. I have a degree in Political Science from UBC and previously worked as a bartender. I will be working at a firm in downtown Vancouver this summer so please shoot me a message if you’re in the area.
I am excited to serve you in the next school year. My responsibility will be to act as liaison between the students and the faculty. I will be working on a few projects as VP Academic, which include: updating and organizing the Google Drive, creating weekly coffee meetups between 1Ls and upper years, and creating more events to de-stress during exams.
I am jumping head-first into the U of C law community next year with the hope of making the school better for future law students. I intend to continue my work the rugby club, basketball teams and pro-bono. However, I am most excited to help get the Sports and Entertainment law club up and running again. I will continue to pester law students to join clubs just as I did with the rugby team so be on the lookout.
VP Admin: Cassidy Newfield
Once, when I was a kid, I was changing the batteries in my flashlight and as I removed them, I noticed one had white icing crusted onto it. “Someone must have been eating a cupcake the last time these got changed,” I thought to myself. “This battery is probably perfectly good if I just clean off this icing.” I glanced between the new battery in my left hand and the icing-y one in my right. I then did what any sensible sweet-tooth would do: I licked the old battery. It became apparent from the instant burning sensation on my tongue that what I thought would be a sweet treat was in fact a toxic acid. It was nothing a glass of water and some baking soda couldn’t fix, but I took the Concerned Children’s Advertisers PSA with the puppets singing “Don’t Put It In Your Mouth” waaaay more seriously after that.
2L Rep: Blair Wentworth
Hey everyone! For those who don’t know me, my name is Blair Wentworth and I’m your incoming 2L rep. If you ask me, I’m a former major junior hockey player (would’ve made the NHL if it wasn’t for that knee injury) and dedicated student who had a great experience doing my undergrad in Ontario and now spend my free time trying to learn as much as I can while also enjoying the finer things in life. If you ask others, I’m a wash-up still living in the glory days who won’t shut up about Queen’s and who goes out to numb the pain of never having the skill nor good looks required to make it pro. Whichever you prescribe to, I look forward to serving all my fellow students and doing my best to make this the best 3 years of our lives.
VP Events: Victoria Tulk
Victoria always wished she was taller but because shin lengthening surgery is expensive she decided to tower over peasants through the magic of student government. She stole her degree from the UofA and her greatest achievement is getting through the Office episode “Scott’s Tots” with a straight face. She likes cats but identifies as a lizard. Her hobbies include magnets. Her favorite food is a milksteak (gluten free of course), she loves funny green ghouls, and hates when people walk around showing their knees. Since starting law school she has had reoccurring nightmares of a giant green man serving her spaghetti.
“Vote for me again next year or I’ll stab you” - Victoria Agnes Tulk
VP Sports & Clubs: Mykel Long
Why did I run for Sports and Clubs? Because people like me and I was the only viable candidate. Because I have a smile that warms the heart of every student in this faculty. Because I’m tall and humble.
Here is a bullet point list of things you should know:
I have never run out of energy
I’m scared of heights, but really they should be scared of me.
My Insta is private. Kanye sent me a follow request… he’s still waiting
I am the 2017-2018 Slug League fantasy football champion of the world
I am Joey Beller’s hero
James Hankinson wishes he was me
VP Marketing: Joseph Ha
Hey, I’m Roger, Roy, Gabe, David, Hyechan or Joseph, (thanks, drunk 1Ls @ the learned friend night).
People used to call me the meme master. Then we did three weeks of Foundations II on Defamation law. Now I just make memes, print them, and put them in my scrapbook. Please reach out to me if you'd like to arrange a private viewing. Or if you just want to talk about all that boring SLS stuff.
P.S.: People - they’re just clothes. Calm down. No animals are dying because you don’t get to wear your humble-brag swag to your Law School Admissions Letter Anniversary Party with your family.